Tuesday, October 29, 2013

T*S*E Rant ~ Watercolor Memories pt. 2



Here we go --- the final update of “Off the ‘Spice’ Rack” for two (2) whole months :(
I just KNOW you guys are broken up about it {….right}; but my attention has been shifting to other projects like that story that I’ve been hinting forever and a day.
The ones about my Dad and the mentioned ‘sneak peeks’ of the book….

It’s time I start making a dent in it. That’s one of the reasons for the hiatus period; the other is that my family will be traveling this winter for the upcoming holidays starting with my 30th Birthday being celebrated in my home state MD. Interested? Well, too bad! It’s invite only :P
Of course, if it were up to me I wouldn’t bother acknowledging that I’m getting old by society standards and just skip to the week in NYC; but such is life.

Here’s the good news {depends if you like these segments, then we just made your day}!
The monthly updates --- Anime of the Month/CK’s Fashion Tip of the Month --- will still continue; I figured that I don’t REALLY have an excuse to put them on the backburner since I can add to those each day until perfected; plus we’re still in proceedings with Fashion Tips seven (7) through eleven (11).

Also, I got in touch with my co-host, Frankie D; and she has informed me that she will continue her segment ‘Being Real: Sex, Lies and Drama’ however don’t expect her updates to be on Thursdays. She now has full reign of this page I created for her posts and will add her thoughts of wisdom whenever she chooses. If you want her to update more frequently, make some noise!

As for the old posts, you know the drill.
The link will be released next Monday. They will stay open and displayed on social networks Facebook, Google+, Twitter, and Tumblr.



Now that that’s out of the way, onward to part 2 of Watercolor Memories; an extra LONG one, just for you guys. Sit back, relax & enjoy the trip down memory lane.
If you recall, I had listed the top offenders of movies that had warped our childhoods in some way by means of hidden messages that we couldn’t comprehend while young --- now for the other half of the ‘conspiracy’.
I had found this link on Likes.com that was more humorous than corrupting in my opinion. Let’s begin with this one~

Motorized Ice Cream Cone
>I think we had this thing around because they were A) fun to collect due to different colors and B) it was ‘recyclable’ {i.e. can be used over and over after one wash and fresh batteries instead of stocking up on edible cones @ $10.99 a box}. Though I do get why this was debatable as a whole --- batteries were MORE expensive.

Bread Gloves
>Yeah….this is one of the one’s that made a person think “what was the creator smokin’/snortin’ to come up with this?”
Let’s hope no fingers were lost due to it {although, they deserved it if they ACTUALLY spent money on this}; I did like the .com’s wrap up of the ‘sister products Bread Shoes and Bread Condom’ :D

The Wine Rack
>The most inexpensive ‘Boob Job’ on the market & best for sneaking alcohol to minors. I know perverted Security Guards and Bouncers of dances and clubs are grateful to the company that endorsed this product w/o calling attention to Sexual Harassment.

"I Poop Glitter"
>If you look closely at the picture, you can see this isn’t a solo product as Barbie’s arm is shown in the corner {like having a doll with its own doll}. Honestly, this wasn’t so different from Dog Walker Barbie with the dog doing its ‘business’.

The Comfort Wipe
>Once upon a time this was made only for the Elderly that still had functioning bowels and Disables who couldn’t reach all that well to clean themselves; they made a point that its misuse nowadays are people who refuse to diminish Diabetes and Heart Disease by cutting Mickey D’s down to once a month.

Crap
>No, really.
This one was hilarious because of the summary they used {meant to be both literal and figurative}; I laughed for a good 10min. :)

The French Fry Holder
>Again revisiting the Obesity problem….there really isn’t anything I can say about it that hasn’t been said in the synopsis.

American Shreds
> If I didn’t see the picture that went with it, my first thought would’ve been newspaper clippings at the bottom of a cage {you pick the animal}. As it is, I still don’t get why the word ‘cheese’ is apparently so offensive since it was never used to describe the product.

Hello Kitty Assault Rifle
>I don’t know what’s more upsetting to me: The fact that this was manufactured for actual combat or that this made it and Lisa Frank didn’t {I know most of you are saying ‘who?’ --- I get that same reaction at my workplace. LF was before your time if you were born in the late ‘90s}.
If you can guess, Hello Kitty products are not my fave >:(
Creepiest Chocolates Ever
>Tis that season.
You want to know HOW creepy? Find out for yourself ;)
I will say this: I always thought Tales from the Crypt was freaky….this blew it out of the water.

Shnitzel Candle
>I personally love the smell of Jelly Beans. Everyone has something to soothe them; don’t start worrying unless they come out with a candle that has the scent of Toilet Water or Vomit like Harry Potter’s Burtie [sp?] Botts Every Flavor Beans.

Ghost Turds
>….You wouldn’t believe me if I’d told you.

Full-Body Knitted Suit
>For the first-time crafters. They had asked the question “How does one use the bathroom while wearing it?”; here’s another:
How’d he get the damn thing on? It doesn’t look like it stretches.

Hyper-Realistic Sex Dolls
>Having the whole package instead of vibrating genitals or a balloon Booty filled w/ warm water for effect. You know what’s better? Actually getting some from a REAL human being.
Also, I hear these things give one a nasty shock causing blisters.

Lenny Kravitz's Gigantic Scarf
>Name sounds familiar….been awhile since he’s done anything worth remembering. Still, this bizarre trend was remembered by somebody to end up #1 on this list.

And now, the link to this list called “Products That Really Shouldn’t Exist”~
http://likes.com/comedy/products-that-really-shouldnt-exist?pid=105960



The first half was just for “shits and giggles”, the rest to follow will have some of you being more choosey with what to purchase for your kids this upcoming Christmas. Remember, just because these toys are no longer on the market doesn’t mean that the dangers haven’t passed. I was just gonna do the standard ‘top ten’ but since I did say this would be the last update for a while, why not list them all? ;)
Mind you, the products mentioned are the ones that were frequently repeated online and have no true origin~

Fisher-Price Power Wheels Motorcycle
Cause of Injury: twisted intestines; Reason: throttle sticks
*
This was how most of us got the jump-start on learning how to drive at an early age. Ultimately from my POV this vehicle was no threat if it was used on flat ground like the backyard instead of on top of a hill w/o Adult Supervision.

Battlestar Galactica Missle Launcher
Cause of Injury: impaired vision, torn intestines, choking hazard, death; Reason: ingestion, launch spring mechanism
*
Classic tale of again lack of Adult Supervision plus adding the factor of a child’s curiosity. I would put in an argument of if the kid knew about ‘common sense’ but seeing as how I myself swallowed a marble during a time at an age where I knew better and only did it to see if I CAN; I’d be a hypocrite.

Johnny Reb Cannon
Cause of Injury: impaired vision, choking hazard; Reason: launch spring mechanism
*
Never heard of this toy; might’ve been before my time….maybe they were all the rage when they talked about WWI and WWII in history class.

Creepy Crawlers
Cause of Injury: 1st to 3rd degree burns, toxins; Reason: arson, ingestion
*
Now here’s something from my past. To this day, I can recall the theme song for the commercial; real big hit with the boys mostly {unless one’s a tomboy}. I’m surprised that the stench of melted plastic didn’t give the parents a clue of the dangers involved; said so on the box “Requires Adult Supervision”. I’m guessing this was allowed to stay on shelves at the time cuz it kept the kids quiet :P

Bat Masterson Derringer Belt Gun
Cause of Injury: 1st degree burns; Reason: friction towards lower regions
*
Another toy before my time cuz I’m PRETTY sure I would’ve heard of the cause/effect of this on the playground {hell I still remember that news report of a woman cutting off her husband’s penis….and I was 9-years-old at the time!}, I also had cousins that were obsessed with all-things ‘action’ and any type of gun would’ve been right up their alley.

Sky Dancers
Cause of Injury: temporary blindness, broken ribs, chipped/broken teeth, facial laceration, mild concussions; Reason: launch spring mechanism
*
So far, this is only proving the point that parents REALLY need to watch their children during play time. Why the hell would they put this near their bodies with the speed these toys were generating?! Plus at that age, some of them were still learning to read so they missed the warnings indicating to aim AWAY from the face and body….

Snack Time Cabbage Patch Dolls
Cause of Injury: dismembered fingers; Reason: motorized mechanism {grind gears in the mouth}
*
Many have also lost bits of hair but I felt that wasn’t a big crisis compared to only having a total count of nine (9) fingers or less.
The makers of CP’s should’ve stuck to their merchandise made out of just stuffing and thread; if that had happened to me, Ma and Daddy would’ve seen to it that they’d get MORE than a measly refund.

Mini Hammocks
Cause of Injury: asphyxiation, death; Reason: entanglement
*
I haven’t even gone through half of this list and I’m still repeating myself --- these need Adult Supervision!
Why would you trust your toddler to be in this manufactured ‘spider’s web’ by themselves? But it’s not just them sadly….some of the age of pre-teen and up have fallen victim to it as well. They couldn’t recall these fast enough.

Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab
Cause of Injury: radiation poisoning; Reason: radioactive {Uranium}
*The kids who had survived it unscaved were the lucky ones….not sure if they suffered later in Adult years {like reproduction problems} though.

Lawn Darts/ ‘Jarts’
Cause of Injury: blindness, facial laceration, body laceration, death; Reason: sharp projectiles
*A product that didn’t stick around long enough in the ‘80s, wouldn’t have known this existed since I was born in the 1983.

Red Ryder BB Gun
Cause of Injury: Do I really need to say it? :P ; Reason: launch spring mechanism of small projectiles
*I might as well for those who don’t know this phrase {if that’s the case --- WTF?! How do you NOT know this? The movie’s on EVERY year on ABC’s 25 Days of Christmas if one of your family members don’t already own it….they even made a sequel for crying out loud!} that associates with it~

“You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!”

There. I said it.
However, the recall wasn’t just for this particular gun. Others like this product were pulled as well; which is why you don’t see them in Dollar Stores anymore because the ones that really fell victim to the BB guns were friends and loved ones more so than the shooter.

Slip ‘N’ Slide
Cause of Injury: dislocated shoulder, broken bones; Reason: non-grip surface {duh!}
*They had a vid on YT that had a title of how this girl got killed when using a make-shift one with blue tarps and the driveway. The title was misleading of course but I did see the aftermath of it when one of the kids slammed into another while using it.

Agent Zero M Sonic Blaster
Cause of Injury: deafness; Reason: launch spring mechanism
*Though full of air {literally}, it has caused this injury due to it being so bulky it had to be handled by supporting it on one’s shoulder next to the right/left ear depending on your dominate hand.

Swing Wing
Cause of Injury: vertigo, neck strain; Reason: physical strain
*This was mentioned and demonstrated in a show called “Ed, Edd & Eddy” called ‘Whiz Whaz’ {the name’s stupid, but the toy was a hit in the neighborhood} in case you guys want better than a mental picture of a metal helmet with a heavy tetherball attached to it.
They did bring this concept back though --- in the form of “Skip It”; back then, the biggest worry we had was tripping over it and falling flat on our face while playing with it.

CSI: Fingerprint Examination Kit
Cause of Injury: lung cancer, mesothelioma, dyspnea {shortness of breath}; Reason: asbestos
*It was because of this show that a lot of us went into this field {not me though --- I suck in all things science}. We were so focused on creating junior crime catchers we failed to give them something harmless to use when dusting for fingerprints.

Magnetix
Cause of Injury: twisted intestines, choking hazard, death; Reason: ingestion
*Sadly, I still see this product from time to time in stores under another name.
These attack the intestines by attaching themselves inside the walls. There is on record 34 injuries and one (1) death of a 22-month-old before action was taken.

Inflatable Baby Boats
Cause of Injury: near-drowning; Reason: faulty equipment
*Sometimes I wonder if they actually Beta-test this junk before releasing it to the public….
The harnesses to the thing easily erode that causes infants to slide through; took their sweet time getting this stuff off the shelves.

Hannah Montana Pop Star Card Game
Cause of Injury: lead poisoning; Reason: lead {again…duh!}
*Are we sure it wasn’t because of the CHARACTER herself that was the real threat? As you can guess, I’m not a Miley Cyrus fan {and it was WAY before her ‘new image’}.
Anyway, the game was so hiked up on lead it had lasting long-term effects for people in close proximity. However since it still met regulations no matter how poisonous it was, it remained on the shelves until Miley herself destroyed her credibility.

Aqua Dots
Cause of Injury: GHB; Reason: ingestion
*For those not familiar with this abbreviation the common name is Date Rape Drug.
When the kids that swallowed it began to vomit or go into a coma-like state, it rose up the red flag.

Austin Magic Pistol
Cause of Injury: arson, 1st degree burns; Reason: core combustion {calcium carbide}
*The distant cousin of the BB guns so you know it’s ‘potential’.
Adding “Magic Powder” with a touch of water and you too can have the world’s miniature dynamite.

Easy-Bake Oven
Cause of Injury: 3rd degree burns; Reason: arson
*I was actually surprised by this one. Here’s the proof that some things are better off just being left alone.

Cinderella Battery Powered Toy Car
Cause of Injury: arson, 1st degree burns; Reason: defective battery compartment
*Another car of destruction; this time it’s the preverbal ‘hot seat’.
Research indicated that this toy had no safe outlet for the engine to disperse the access heat, so where else could it go but up a little girl’s backside?

Trek Girl’s Bike
Cause of Injury: near-fractured/near-broken bones; Reason: faulty equipment
*Like these things weren’t dangerous enough when learning HOW to ride them --- although, this does remind me of something from my past.
[SIDE TRACKING] I had an active imagination; since Mom and Dad wouldn’t get me one of these motorized cars {glad they didn’t….} I wanted to build one of my own. We went to Home Depot for supplies and I fell in love w/ a certain wood {can’t recall the name of it}. My Dad had informed me that if I had used it, when it rained the car would go to pieces.
Right after he said that, my Ma made this comment~
 
“Imagine that it rains and the car falls apart….”

Yeah --- this bike’s like that, only it didn’t need the water to fall apart.

Professor Wacko’s Exothermic Exuberance
Cause of Injury: arson; Reason: combustion
*Wouldn’t it just be easier to say it’s called a science kit in the study of heat and fire? Then MAYBE it would’ve been yanked off the market sooner.

Manley Toys Disco Ball
Cause of Injury: arson; Reason: faulty equipment
*You could find this at any party company or Dollar Store a long time ago once they pulled them from the Chuck E. Cheese’s counters. This ball of wonders should never be left unattended unless you want to claim insurance fraud.



Well, there you have it. Eight (8) pages dedicated to pure terror of ‘kid-dom’. I’m afraid history’s repeating itself when it comes to the latest and greatest toys of the millennium.

Sorry again for the late delay. Remember that BR: S/L/D will update, just not always on Thursday.
Be here on Friday for my Fashion Tip ;)
 

See you then!  

Monday, October 21, 2013

T*S*E Rant ~ Watercolor Memories pt. 1



I’ve been getting a little nostalgic as of late about my childhood {happens to most adults when trying to squeeze a dollar out of 15 cents to pay ‘Paul’ by robbing ‘Peter’ (don’t know what I’m talking about? Ask your next of kin; the understanding of it comes with age…)}, missing the days when I had dear old Mummy buying my clothes and providing my three (3) a day meals; the only things I had to do was complete my chores and give my love and respect {although ‘fear’ was more like it during that time, ‘respect’ did come later in life once I experienced what she went through as a woman}.
Before I get misty-eyed, apparently not ALL of it was sunshine and rainbows.
As I had stated, there were times of a person’s youth that can either scar or cause to question all that you know. This week on “Off the ‘Spice’ Rack”, I’ll be bringing you a two-parter that will be screwing with your childhood ;)
….starting off with the eleven (11) most popular Disney Movies that actually have hidden meanings in them that you might have missed as a kid. I know none of you can guess what they are from the jump just by the titles, so I’ll give you guys the abbreviations of the movies right next to them.


Stockholm Syndrome {B&TB}

Hamlet --- with Animals! {TLK}

Please Spay/Neuter Your Pets {101}

The Animators are SO high right now…. {AW}

The Princess is Black --- so the rest of the characters can be racial stereotypes! {TP&TF}

Change For Your Man {TLM}

Makeovers Fix EVERYTHING {C}

Lying and Stealing Will Get You The Girl {A}

The Original ‘Avatar’ {P}

Nice Guy Finishes Last {THND}

‘Doc Hollywood’ meets Nascar {C}



Can you guess what the movies are?
For most of us, this is a breeze cuz they BASICALLY give it to you so I really didn’t need to have the hints next to it.
Now for the ‘why’ that results into how our generation and others beyond are so greatly affected by it.
They had classified these under the category of ‘Movies most likely to Fuck Up a child’s mind in Adulthood’ because of these hidden messages. Of course, for most young parents nowadays use these as a half-a-day Babysitter….actually, let me rephrase this~
ANY cartoon on the TV lineup will serve.
Case in point, I have a cousin who had a 4-year-old {probably 10 now; we don’t speak much…} who had literally begged me to watch my collection of Family Guy! When I told my cousin this, he informed me that he doesn’t allow his boy to watch that particular show at his house. I had full confidence in what he said because our Nana also had raised him to have strong morals; apparently the ‘mother’ was to blame for it.
I have noticed that the newest Disney movies have adult humor but not too damaging to the young generation {i.e. Wreck-It Ralph}, I found them refreshing to look at plus now that I’m at a certain age; plus my Ma enjoys them as much as I do & she’s a tough one to please sometimes {not as bad as Nana or my late father, but she’s up there ;)}

Before I end part 1 of this post, I’d like to add two (2) classic series’ for the Generation X {see, I didn’t forget yall}; it has been proven that the Flintstones --- the modern stone-age family --- did not keep to reality when it was proven that Fred would’ve had his feet grated down to stumps trying to stop the ‘boulder-mobile’.
Also, that we may not have to wait too much longer for that flying car inspired by the Jetsons….although a marvelous invention, the first of them looks too clunky and slapstick to make a big dent in progress; the other drawback {other than the official release in 2015} is that you have to log in I believe 20 hrs. of flight time to use such a vehicle.
Well, you be the judge if this thing has a prayer of making it or if it can even compare to the one we all know from childhood~
 http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/bestoftv/2013/10/17/exp-erin-dnt-terrafugia-fly-car-coming-soon.cnn


That’s all folks!
Next week will be the final posting of “Off the ‘Spice’ Rack”; details of why will be explained plus which of the segments will still be continuing.
Be here on Thursday for BR: S/L/D

Tootles!

Saturday, September 28, 2013

TSE's LOL ~ Yugioh/Lonely Island

Welcome to our 1st showing of a new replacement~

LOL

For the record, things don’t go the way you planned in life and this is NOW that reflection on our posts hitting snags to a point that we have to beat them with a stick in order for them to work {we’re perfectionists —- enough said}.
Also, we won’t be as ‘chatty’ when we update this replacement; we’re just doing this now to give you the 411.


Here’s today’s selection, coming from Little Kuriboh~
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu6WxJJ_MbE


Any Yu-Gi-Oh or LK fan will love to have this in their ‘favorites’ ;)
For more LOL moments on the daily, find us on Twitter.


Hope you enjoyed our pick!
Depending on the counter, we MAY make this a permanent segment; you guys got the power to make that happen :D

C-Ya on Saturday!

T*S*E Rant ~ Collage pt. 3

Glad you guys can join us for “Off the ‘Spice’ Rack” :)
I decided to do something I hadn’t done for a while….I have a couple of ‘interesting’ topics that just couldn’t be ignored for long; especially when some of these can hit home for today’s youth.


Let’s get started~
Coffin for sale on Craigslist — with a surprise inside {Article}

First we had that killer preying upon women, now we have the pranksters.
The gist of this subject is that a dude named Dave Burgstrum was trying to off load this thing for the grieving clientele on a budget for $12,000{I know for a FACT that’s cheap since I recently did my Father’s funeral and had to pay for everything from his insurance}.
But what’s a ‘Crackerjack’ without its ‘prize’ —-

This piece has the best ornament to the upcoming Halloween; a skeleton!
You read it right.

Now I’m no expert on the laws in every state but I’m sure that in mine, when one’s selling anything with high value you have to give a detailed description of the item as well as the contents if any are present. Iowa Police didn’t let this slide when Burgstrum failed to mention these bones for auction; for just saying that the coffin is in ‘good condition’….and nothing else!


Next weird-out topic~
Woman Drinks Only Soda for 16 Years, Suffers Heart Problems {Article/Video/Gallery}

In all honesty, I had just now found out about the ‘Soda Ban Appeal’ made due to the growing obesity in all Americans including those in NY and if it were anywhere else on this planet other than CA, FL, LA or NY; I guarantee that NO ONE would find out about this.

And my theory was proven by this newsflash as the “Health Committee” is using this as incentive to get rid of ALL sugar beverages containing more than 16 grams from restaurants, fast food places, movie theaters and other establishments that use them to make a nice profit. The point is that this 31-year-old woman, who drank nothing but soda since age 15 was found in the hospital in Monaco, France —- and wouldn’t have been noticed if not for the big stink about locking up anything that can kill a person by consuming mass quantities of it.

Seriously! This ‘problem’ starts in the household. I myself drink/eat a lot of sugary stuff before I wash it out of my system with water; its common sense if they bother to teach it to their kids!

“Do what I say, not what I do”, my ass….


This one pissed me off~
Teen Accuses rue21 of Weight Discrimination, Sparks Online Backlash {Article/Video}

I already have that Battle of the Bulge that I have to deal with daily; I don’t wanna hear this BS from a person let alone a retail store policy.
And I’m sure most people will agree that this discrimination should not go unchecked.

Now I know I can’t squeeze my big ass into shit from Charlotte Russe, Express, Forever 21 ‘inches’ {my little joke}, TJ Maxx, Marshal’s and the like; but that don’t stop me from going in there! The accessories are calling out my name and I’ll be DAMNED if I’m getting kicked out of ANY store just because I’m not a toothpick that they usually cater to.

And they should be welcoming her and her Mom in the store with a complimentary smoothie and a $50 gift card; the most important thing that Retailers need to remember that the dynamic duo of Mother/Daughter brings in the cash flow!
Also we WOMEN are the ones that fill their checking accounts —- bet if any one of us gets mistreated, that business is getting shut down permanently!


And lastly, I’m gonna put some ‘Zing’ at the end of this one~
Weirdest Things Schools Have Banned

I’m not ticking them all; just the ones that stood out as the most outlandish…

One was about a school somewhere in the UK forbidding the title “Best Friends” —— HUH?
What the hell does that have to do with someone’s education? Causing conflict within a clique to the point that no one studies until they find out who’s the greatest BFF of all time?
Jeez, kids will fight ANYTHING at that age of having a crew.

Another is to prevent the spread of diseases, lip balms were taken. First of all, ‘sharing’ went out the window after Barney the Dinosaur and Teletubbies slowly died out {THANK GOD!!}; not even the guys use each other’s deodorant I’m sure. Nowadays, if one of your girlfriends came to you asking if you can borrow your chapstick and you can CLEARLY see that she has some kind of illness or covering a cold sore on her lip; you’re a dumbass for allowing it!
Don’t have ‘many’ suffer cuz of a few stupid actions of the ‘few’.

And ending this with something you didn’t expect to discover in the Teacher’s lounge: Viagra.
This drug was actually part of their Health Plan in Milwaukee.
Can you believe it, most would worry about having money in the budget for more crayons, erasers and chalk —- not about if one could get their freak on while the kids are at recess.



That does it this week on “Off the ‘Spice’ Rack”.

If you want to read the rest on the banned list, there’s not much left but here’s the link anyway~
 http://memez.com/weirdest-things-schools-have-banned/baby-bumps
It starts at #8 and goes down; Numbers eight and six are repeated so in actuality there’s only seven.
Just FYI.
Being Real: Sex, Lies and Drama is still on Hiatus, however we do have a little somethin’, somethin’ that might brighten the rest of your week

—— you’ll just have to tune in on Thursday to find out ;)

Later Days!