T*S*E Rant ~ Crushes

I know I said in my last Mini-Rant that I’ll be revealing the shortcuts to raising one’s Credit Score; and I SWEAR to you I’m still working on that but this subject I need to get out.

This is usually Frankie D’s thing {my co-host if any of y’all remember her}, however this is something that needs to go in depth at some point…..

I, for one; will be the first person to tell you that I’m VERY insecure.
Been “husky” since I reached puberty and have been in the minority {if at all on radar} when it comes to the opposite sex. So I have very little experience with guys in general. This has caused me to have The “Princess” Effect ---- for those who aren’t hip to the term it means that I still believe in the Prince Charming and that ANY guy that shows the SLIGHTEST interest in me that he must be “the one”.

Yeah, dudes…..
Run for the hills if you see me in your hometown.

I also realize it’s due to the fact that I didn’t date that I have these thoughts; and of course I’m not the only one suffering from this disease that repeatedly hurts us vulnerable women {and men} just looking for that “soul mate”.

The reason I bring this up?
While there is no cure for it, one can create ways to avoid The “Princess” Effect when talking to a guy/girl you like and not fall for them when they just wanna know where the bathroom is ;)

Here’s how I cope~
Though you want that ‘perfect’ mate to appear, you gotta know that it takes time. Start first with getting to know YOU before you think about a relationship.

Example: I know I can get easily jealous {hello….insecure}, so any guy I work with is strictly off-limits. I would say that goes for your school chums but reality check ---- you got time to find them at other places if you’re not a social butterfly. I also have a temper when I feel like someone’s trying to embarrass me in any way or verbally fight me on a subject I KNOW I’m right on {and believe me, if I did the research on it or been doing it since I was 4 [i.e. writing] then I’m gonna fight you tooth and nail!}

Once you have an idea of ‘you’ ---- cuz you’re gonna find out later that there are parts of you that you yourself didn’t know existed~
Figure out what you will tolerate; I know it’s part of ‘getting to know you’ however we’re putting it in a separate category b/c you’ll be using this tool towards finding your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Example: I’m not immune to ‘crushes’ even at 30, but I’m smart about it. There were times that I would’ve broken my own rule about no dating at the workplace {I’ll let you figure out why I’m against it on your own} ---- until I got to know the guys in question. One was a Narcissist and another was fiercely loyal to God and his sister.

I know my personality is passive at times AND I have depression, while having self-confidence is important there’s also a thing called modesty. I may not need to be reminded each day that I’m beautiful, I don’t need to have a Vanity Smurf in my midst either making myself feel even worse like I don’t measure up in some way {they don’t say it, but they show it by their actions that they think that they ARE better than everyone else}.
As for dude #2, it’s great that he puts God and family first in his mind, but over time {if you’re like me} you’ll want the guy to pay you SOME regard and not jump every time the next of kin snap their fingers. I saw this kind of loyalty in myself at a time when it was me and my father against the world, and in some ways because of that; it killed him physically and me emotionally to the point that I no longer trust ANY of my daddy’s relatives. Long story short, I know where this guy’s gonna end up and I WILL NOT be going to that place again.

And lastly~
Show some more patience!
You waited this long {some more than others}, don’t fall into the trap of ‘since my friends have a significant other….’ or ‘the clock is ticking’.
You’ll KNOW when it’s time to get your feet wet or explore options.

Example: I haven’t had a date since ’08 however I look at the dudes I had attracted. I’m adding a couple more things to the list of “what I WON’T tolerate”.

BIG ISSUSE! = I maybe Black but I don’t run on CP time; even if that day I’m just gonna sit around the house and let dishes pile up ---- that’s still MY time, so if your ass says you’re gonna meet me somewhere at 12pm; YOU BETTER BE THERE! I don’t let this kind of shit slide unless you don’t have my digits to call or text me to let me know you’re running late or cancelling all together.

DEAL BREAKER #2 = I KNOW I’m being played when a guy don’t talk to me from 6 months to a year and a half and call me up like we just talked a week ago. I look naïve but it’s THOSE kinds of people you don’t wanna fuck with.
Telling me that you lost your cell in a basement? This generation can’t function w/o digital contact, that’s number one.
Number two, you, dude; have a 12-year-old daughter {I normally leave those alone for 2 reasons: Baby Mommas and pending stage of puberty [cuz most kids are used to “Mommy and Daddy” not “Daddy and new chick taking Daddy’s love and affection” or “Mommy and new dude trying to take over the house”]}, how the hell is the school gonna contact you in emergencies if they can’t reach you?!

DEAL BREAKER #3 = Since I have fierce loyalty to people that don’t screw me over in some way {my rule book has A LOT of complexity in it}, I expect the same. Thank GOD I haven’t done time for mutilation {not murder cuz NOBODY’s worth you messing up your future}, but if I find my man cheating; there’s no going back for him. That’s it! I look at it like this: there’s something the other girl/guy had that I didn’t that you wanted, so there you go. Also, once a cheater ---- always a cheater; IF I take you back, how do I know you won’t cheat on me two weeks later? Two years later? Two KIDS later?

My point in this is that going through all this has given me clarity and I know that in this stage of my life I don’t want it right now ---- plus I feel like I don’t have anything to “bring to the table”. The only time I left MD on my own was when I had quit my Ma and Nana in that blowout I had with them; I know I wanna be well-rounded even if it’s only having some knowledge of other states.

So let me wrap this up for y’all neatly~
Do ‘you’ before getting in a relationship, YOU decide when you’re ready for the dating scene; and make your “Hot or Not” list for personality traits that you can live with.
Don’t forget your deal breakers and be sure to STICK to them firmly, letting the guy/girl get away with them will be a disaster in the end.

Remember, the one’s I’ve listed are entirely my own due to my experiences and beliefs. Feel free to use them as a structured guide but try to come up with some that’s your own, k? :D

Stay Tuned to T*S*E for more rants and bear with me as I put together the “Portfolio of Credit Scores”.